RB – Small Victories

Hello hello, and welcome back to the River Blog! This will probably be a short one (unless I ramble, which is likely). First, for those who were here last week and were expecting another short story based one one of the prompts I received (as I promised), I do apologize for the change of plans! Basically a series of things this week, including but not limited to writer’s block, work, feeling crappy, and Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (that game is SOOOO GOOOOOOD), I did not achieve my goal.

(YOU CAN RIDE THE DEER!!!!!!)

So instead, please enjoy “Dream Guardian,” a short story I wrote a couple months ago that I’ve actually really been looking forward to sharing! I freaking love writing in settings where I can throw in whatever random background craziness I feel like. XD

(For those who don’t know, I actually have an original comic in the works that is practically ALL ABOUT random crap happening in the background. It’s on hiatus at the moment, but feel free to take a look: )

VOP Page 7.2.jpg

On a personal note, I’ve been going through some hard stuff. Maybe not comparatively as hard as some people – my family hasn’t fallen apart and no one has died – but it’s still very hard. It’s been difficult to simply trust God with it (isn’t it always?) and not feel like it’s my fault or that I have to try and fix it.

But, you know? I always said I’d share good stories from my life on this blog, and I have a victory I can share! I woke up on Monday feel like CRAAAAAP – near panic-attack levels. Part of this was due to my not having taken my meds because I ran out a few days before my refill; the other parts were lack of sleep and distress over this situation. But instead of wallowing in it, like I used to do, I really WORKED to do what I knew I needed to do to overcome it:

  • I prayed.
  • I borrowed some meds from my mom (we have the same kind, don’t panic).
  • I prayed more.
  • I slapped the bad feelings in the face and reminded myself forcefully that they are DIRTY FILTHY LIARS that have no real power.
  • I read/listened to devotionals.
  • I chose to believe that God really does love me and that these nasty feelings don’t define me.
  • I prayed some more.
  • I finally managed to fall back asleep and took the morning easy, giving myself room to recover.

Now, to be clear: I did not miraculously feel super the rest of the day. In fact, I was still rather low-key stressed throughout the day. BUT. I did not have a panic attack. I trusted the Lord and He fulfilled His promise and brought me back off the brink of that cliff. I would rather be low-key stressed all day than devolve into one of those all-consuming panic attacks, and when I had rested and come off that edge, I felt genuinely VICTORIOUS! It may be a small victory in the grand scheme of things, but such a thing was nearly impossible for me not six months ago, and here we are.

This is IMPROVEMENT! I have a long way to go to recover from the pains I’ve wrecked on my own mind through years of constant worry and anxiety, but I AM GETTING BETTER. And it is the LORD who is doing that in me.

So please celebrate with me! And if you have any small victories in your life, please feel free to share so I can celebrate with you! We’re never going to be perfect, but there are so many small joys in life that we can celebrate!

LET’S PARTY!

Have a great weekend, everybody!

~Jenn H.

(In closing, have a cat being confused by an optical illusion:

Clearly, the cat answer to being thoroughly confused is, “Destroy and eat it.”)

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